I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Duck Duck Cougar?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
