I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
