as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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