I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I could teleport
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
