She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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