It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
