Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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