That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
