the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
