I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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