I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And then he peed in my hair
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