I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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