umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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