so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
