so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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