i think my mom watched the whole time
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
