I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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