Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
