are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
