i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize