You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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