I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
as a side note pls kill me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
