No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I will pee on everything he values.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
