Welp...herpes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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