he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
