I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
