My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
