i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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