Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
