how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
