And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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