I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
