Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Rumble strips road head = magical
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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