There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
