i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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