Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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