Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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