There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
a search helicopter?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
