We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
