I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
