A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
