come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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