I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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