Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
