you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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