do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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