Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
