I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
