Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
