We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
