my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
