I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
