I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
