I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
