Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
