the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
