Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
