apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
