Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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