when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
