Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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