just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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